Oi!
Oh... Oops.
Wow!
Sorry.
You take your nanny skiing, the cost mounts up.
So leave her at home.
You still have to pay her.
On holiday, you want your nanny most.
- But they see it as their holiday, too. - Gabrielle even wanted us to pay for a lift pass.
ln a ski resort, what else can you do?
But you pay for flights, accommodation, food...
Actually, we didn't pay for food.
Nannies make whatever demands they want.
You don't want to go to the trouble of finding a replacement.
And the children get attached to them.
Psst. Karen.
What are you doing?
Who are these people?
They are our friends.
What does that say about you?
Sorry?
Look at them.
ls it something they put in the water makes them stupid?
l mean, take James here.
He earns what? Six figures.
Begrudges his nanny a living wage.
His wife, Natasha...hangs on his every word.
You wouldn't think she has a degree in economics, would you?
David...
Well, David's David, isn't he?
Just wants everyone to get on.
Laura...
- Didn't you go backpacking with her once? - We stayed in an ashram in lndia together.
Well, unless it's become part of the Hilton chain, she won't be going back.
Mark.
Barely said a world all night, which is probably just as well.
lt's about the only thing he's got going for him.
l mean, look at him. Middle-aged, going on dead.
Finally...
You, Karen.
What about me?
When you were young, you wanted to be outstanding.
l've got news for you.
You don't stand out at all.
ln fact, you fit right in.
(Screams)
£1 ,500.
lt'll be worth double that in a few years.
Would you excuse me a minute, please?
Has anyone been to that new restaurant on Deansgate?
ALL: Yes. Marvellous.
Help.
What's the matter?
l think l've died and gone to hell.
Worse, actually.
l'm still here and this is my life. Where are you?
- Bar Nexus. - Can l come?
But l thought you were having a dinner party.
Yeah, but l'm not sure l can stand it.
You know the best way to handle that.
- Rachel, l'm already pissed. - Well, then, roll a joint.
l tell you, l would if l had any dope.
You might just find a stray spliff in my bedside table.
Second drawer down.
- Seriously? - Yeah, l'm serious.
- l knew l could rely on you. Thanks. - No problem.
Bye.
l love auctions. There's always the chance to find a bargain.
Last week l stumbled on a painting and l think it might be by the Norwich School.
Well, it's of a Norwich School! (Chuckles)
Karen, you studied art history.
Oh, l'm awfully sorry. Would anybody like some?
- l've got to be up early. - l don't, thanks.
DAVlD: Were you out of your mind?
Briefly. l don't think it was very good stuff.
l've never been so embarrassed.
School nativity play - one of the Three Wise Men wet themselves.
Your mother told me.
You do not offer marijuana at dinner parties.
You offered Cuban cigars, which smell worse.
Yeah, but they're not illegal.
ln America they are.
l'm sorry, David, but l was bored.
Bored bloody rigid.
You were certainly quiet.
lf you got more involved...
l had no interest in discussing nannies again.
That isn't all we talked about.
Or skiing, house prices or private education.
- You could have started a conversation. - David, l tried.
Oh, yeah.
There's a tribe in Borneo,
where instead of shaking hands, men masturbate one other.
They'll never invite us back.
Thank God. We won't have to admire their antiques.
What's got into you? They're our friends.
l know.
l'll never be able to sleep tonight.
You would if you'd only relax.
How do you suggest l do that?
l didn't finish it.
(Flushes toilet)
(Giggles)
- Buongiorno. - (Groans)
Whoa!
There you go.
- Look at that. (Baby cries)
l'll deal with him. You lie in.
Blimey! What have l done to deserve this?
Actually, Pete, what have you done?
How do you mean?
Eugh. Joking.
Come on. lt's nice. l feel a bit like a princess, eh!
- Anything for me? - Yeah, there's a couple.
- There you go, love. - Ta.
- Oh, no. - What?
lt's from my old school.
After them library books again?
(Sarcastically) Ha-ha!
(Tuts)
l've been invited to a reunion.
Blimey, that makes me feel old.
Mmm. Class of '84.
Are you going to go?
- Of course l'm not going. - Come on. lt will be fun.
What? Standing round with guys who were wankers then and estate agents now?
l don't think so.
At least you aren't like them.
That's what l really object to!
''A chance to catch up with old mates.'' Bollocks!
A chance to see who's doing better or worse. l'm not playing.
- On principle? - Yeah.
Not because you'll suffer by comparison?
Face it, Pete.
l have nothing to show for my life.
God, l'm not even divorced.
l wonder if Amanda Wagstaff will go.
- Amanda? - l bet you'd like to see her again.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe l can meet her husband.
Maybe she'll show photos of her children.
She split up from her husband.
- So my mum says. Having an affair. - The bollocks!
Hang on. You don't know it was his fault.
Phuh! Excuse me.
You don't know what his marriage was like.
But if he had an affair...
Not strictly an affair. He only slept with her once.
Your mother's intelligence is very good.
Yeah. Yeah. Erm, so do you want to go, or what?
Oh. How much is it?
40 quid?
Oh, that's for a double ticket.
Double?
Thanks for agreeing to meet me.
l almost didn't, after that scene in the restaurant.
Then l thought maybe you wanted to apologise.
l do.
Well, go on, then.
l apologise.
l'm sorry l had a go at you and your boyfriend.
With the emphasis on ''boy''.
l was embarrassed - you know, Lonely Hearts...
Was that your first?
God, and last.
l mean, Callie was the best of the bunch.
Look how that turned out.
No, l think l'd rather embrace celibacy.
Can you embrace celibacy?
So long as it doesn't lead anywhere.
Do you really want to spend your life with someone called Callie?
Whereas, Danny...
Do you think we can be friends?
l don't think we can.
l'd like to be.
Maybe see a movie once in a while.
Meet at parties without embarrassment.
Yeah.
lnvite each other to...school reunions.
- Yeah. - So you'll come?
- To a movie? - No, to a school reunion.
Say you will. Say you will.
l don't want to go on my own or take a date.
Amanda will be there, my first girlfriend.
Her marriage has just split up.
Pete and Jen will be there.
OK.
- Hiya. - Hi.
Hi.
- Are you ready? - Yeah. We're going to the cinema.
Do you want to come?
No.
l've got...something...to do.
What are you going to see?
King Of Comedy.
De Niro. We enjoyed that one, didn't we?
(Clears throat)
What are you doing after work?
l meant to talk to you about that.
Good.
Pete. Pete, relax.
People will think we're having a meeting, not an affair.
Hey, we're not...
We're not having an affair.
That's what l want to talk about.
We...
We slept together once. That's it, right?
You're forgetting the following morning.
Well, l only count it as th... as the...
What happened when we went away won't happen again, right?
- So, you... - Post.
So you've sorted out your problems with Jenny?
Yes. Yes, l'm taking steps to.
Have you spoken to her?
That's the next step.
(Phone rings)
- Pete Gifford's phone. - Hello.
Oh, hiya, Jenny. lt's Amy. Yeah.
Yeah, he's just here. l'll pass him on. Hang on.
- Hi. - Hiya, Jen. Yeah.
The cheque? No, the cheque's by the phone.
Listen, l erm...
l might have to work late tonight.
OK.
About eight. Yeah.
Right.
Eight thirty. Thereabouts.
- OK. - OK.
- See you, love. Bye. - See you later, yeah?
How the hell did l manage to accumulate so much tat?
- Shopping, l'd imagine. - Well, it's time it went.
lf you saw a woman wearing this, what would you think?
That her husband's rich.
Or she is.
Either way, that she is impressed by wealth. Well, l am not so shallow.
You really hated that dinner party.
No. lt helped me see things clearly.
l've become the sort of woman l used to despise. lt was a revelation.
- Like an out-of-body experience. - Had you had the dope by then?
l wanted to grab each of those people, shake them and scream,
''For God's sake, wake up, take a look at yourselves before it's too late.''
lsn't that Prada?
- Can you tell? - Yeah.
Wait, wait! l'll have it.
You could take it up.
You can't take up Prada.
l want to strip away my life, cut through all the crap
and get back to the real me. l've become so conformist!
You have dope in your bedside table. l have Joanna Trollope.
Yeah, but it's Danny's.
You get distracted by bullshit. Why you must have an Aga.
What Caribbean island is in. What colour's the latest black.
lsn't it black?
Who gives a shit? The chattering classes who can't think themselves
and rely on the media to form their views.
Right...
- What's that? - Nothing.
Let's have a gander.
You wouldn't approve.
lt's a questionnaire. ''Your boyfriend: Hump him or dump him?''
- Oh, l love those things. - lsn't it media bullshit?
lt's just a bit of fun. lt's not like you're taking it seriously, is it?
No, of course not.
OK. Question one.
''Sex.
ls sex, A: something you're keen to avoid?
B: Willing to suffer?
Or C: Gagging for more of?''
Erm...
(Mellow music)
(Rachel pants)
C.
Three points. Question two.
''ln the morning, does your boyfriend bring you...
A: The post?
B: Flowers?
Or C: Another orgasm?''
All three.
Fantastic.
OK.
Three, four, five, six.
Are you sure you need to do it all?
l know. l know. lt's just...
Well, he's very young.
lsn't that why he's scoring so well?
Yeah, but so are his friends.
lt's a terrible waste, but Richey Manic, he is dead.
No way, man. He's alive and well. He's in lndia. Crispin's seen him there.
- Crispin, Crispin... - He's in the mud under the Severn Bridge.
Oh, no. l did see his face in a cloud formation.
Your head's a cloud formation.
When he disappeared, part of me went with him.
- To Richey. - To Richey, man.
To Richey.
OK, so his friends are awful.
David's were when l first met him.
But you are not going out with his friends but Danny.
Mmm. Who's fun and intelligent.
And sex on legs.
Yeah. Case closed.
Horoscopes.
(Door closes)
Hiya, love. Sorry l'm late.
Work dragged on, you know.
lt's all right. Are you hungry?
No. l got a burger coming home.
l would have rung, but l had to crack on with the audit.
Get it finished?
No, no. One mistake leads to a hundred.
l'll have to work a few more late nights.
Poor, overworked fool.
- Weren't you bringing me breakfast? - l don't want to be late for work.
Danny, l'm your boss. You don't have to worry.
Look...
We need to talk.
- He's dumped you? - That's where '''We have to talk'' tends to lead.
Why?
lt's your friends.
Me?
And David, Pete and Jenny.
And Adam. He was never very keen on Adam.
Yeah, well, Adam l can understand, but what's wrong with us?
Nothing, but...
they're not my kind of people.
You mean, they don't sit around talking about Richey Manic.
Would David even know who he was?
You're not going out with them, but me.
But friends are important. That's the people who you want to spend time with.
l don't want to spend time with yours.
l...l'll change my friends.
- Excuse me! - l didn't mean it. He caught me unawares.
Anyway, l was going to dump him.
That's rather ironic, Rachel.
Still, at least it's not any great loss, is it?
- (Whines) - Oh, come on.
No-one likes being dumped.
And he did have a beautiful body!
You know what you should do when you feel down...
Spend a lot of money?
Something wild.
Hello.
What about a heart wrapped in a scroll, inscribed ''David''?
- What if we get divorced? - Pessimist.
- Pragmatist. - Or a death's head skull.
Rachel! l want it to be tasteful.
Karen, it's a tattoo.
- Have you seen anything you like? - Only the exit.
She's getting one, too.
l really like this lizard.
Actually, it's a gecko.
Ooh. Even better. lt's more exotic.
Do you give me a local or a general anaesthetic?
lt's her first time.
Thank you so much.
So, what else is new?
Oh, you know. This and that.
Nothing. Same here.
l doubt it.
Adam.
- Here, l wanted salt and vinegar. - lt doesn't matter.
- We don't like prawn cocktail. - Really. lt doesn't matter.
- l'll change them. - No, stop!
Sit down!
All right, all right.
l have something to tell you. You mustn't tell a soul.
- Sure. - l'm serious.
- What, no-one? - No-one.
Not even Giggsy?
Not even Giggsy.
OK. l give you my word.
Forget it. lt doesn't matter.
- What? - Change the crisps.
Bollocks to that! What is it?
You can't ask me to keep a secret, then clam up.
- lt'd be wrong to involve you. - Let me make that decision.
l want to be involved. We're mates.
l'm cheating on Jenny.
- Yeah, right! - No, really.
And the fruit machine here pays a jackpot!
Believe it. lt's true.
(Clattering of coins)
Yes!
Hold on. Wait a minute.
Who with?
Amy from work.
Amy who's nuts?
She's not. She's sympathetic and understanding.
Yeah, and nuts.
Are you out of your mind?
l know she is.
How did this happen?
You know how me and Jenny haven't been getting along?
Yep.
Of course you do.
We were on this Outward Bound thing,
and it started raining and we got soaked to the skin.
- From there it's a short step to sex! - No, we got lost in the woods.
- You did it in the woods? - No. ln a motel.
God, how...sordid.
lt was a nice motel. l couldn't stop myself.
Cos she's a nymphomaniac.
- No, she's not. - She was with me.
She wanted to keep you.
You don't understand her. She's quite sensitive.
- You didn't deserve her. - Jenny doesn't deserve you!
- Does she know about this? - Of course not! She mustn't find out.
- You promised! - Before l knew what it was.
- She'd kill me! - No more than you deserve.
Hang on.
She says she doesn't love me any more and tries to get off with you!
Jen made a fool of herself, right?
She regrets it.
She's trying to repair the damage, but what you're doing, Pete...
God...
- Where are you going? - Home.
Oh, cheers. Thanks.
- Thanks for being supportive! - l'm not doing supportive.
Try Amy.
You're in agony, aren't you?
No, just a bit of pain.
No more than childbirth.
l've finished. Not a bad job, is it?
lt's almost like a gecko.
That wasn't too bad.
You were passed out!
What does it look like?
lt's really not that bad.
- Are you getting one done? - No.
No!
- Oi! - Ramona! So sorry! l thought you were Karen.
l'm terribly sorry.
Karen.
l've just assaulted Ramona.
What? Why?
l thought she was you.
She was bending over and...you know,
gander, gander, goosey.
David, you know l hate that.
l didn't know it was her. She had your dress on.
- The Prada. - Prada?
Or Jil Sander, if it was a yellow one.
- lt was black. - Yeah, that is Prada.
You gave her two dresses?
Three, actually. The rest, l gave to charity.
What?
l don't want them, so l gave them to a good cause. Pass me a towel.
Why not help the starving in Africa? They're as thin as supermodels, they can dress like them.
Right, l'm going to sort out Ramona.
- You have a smudge on your back. - lt's a tattoo, and it's a gecko.
A tattoo? Are you out of your mind?
Don't you like geckos?
Why did you get a tattoo?
David, l just thought it would be fun.
- Fun? - David, you're doing it again.
Stop repeating what l say.
Fun? Tattoos are permanent, you know.
What are we going to tell Josh?
- ''Mummy was a Hell's Angel''? - David, it's body art.
l'm seriously worried about you. Smoking dope at dinner parties,
giving designer dresses to Oxfam, and now mutilating yourself.
And you're a model citizen - apart from sexually harassing the nanny!
- Was that Adam? - No, wrong number, love.
ls he coming out for a drink? Are we meeting him there?
We're running late, so we're probably best meeting him there.
All right.
Amanda Wagstaff!
No.
Hi. Remember me?
No.
Fancy a shag?
Yeah!
(Answering machine bleeps)
Please leave a message for David, Karen and Josh...
or Ramona, after the tone.
(Beep)
Karen, it's Rachel. You owe me one and l'm calling it in.
l said l'd go to Adam's school reunion and l can't make it.
l'm stuck at the doctor's.
My tattoo's still sore.
He's going to be upset if he has to go on his own. Please go.
lt's er, Sharman Cross School, Alderbrook Road, Wythenshawe.
l'm due to meet him in an hour. Please go.
l hope you get this message.
♪ 80s disco
Blimey, it's a bit low-rent.
Like something out of Carrie.
l'm not happy with this name tag.
Eh?
Pond Scum - it wasn't my only school nickname.
What was your other one?
BOTH: Smegma.
BOTH: Hey!
Great, they're coming over.
Yeah.
Hiya.
Oh, hiya.
Adam.
- Hey, Karen. Why are you here? - Rach can't make it, so l came.
- Oh, great... - l'm her stand-in.
Great. Er...let's do it.
What do l have to do, then?
This girl, Amanda Wagstaff, is gagging for it.
Thanks for not saying anything to Jen.
Oh, my God.
♪ THE HUMAN LEAGUE: Don't You Want Me?
♪ You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
♪ When l met you...
Amanda.
Adam.
Oh, er...l wasn't sure you'd remember.
Well, the name tag helped.
Oh, yeah.
Of course l remember you.
- How are you? - l'm great.
God, you look fantastic. How are you?
Yeah. l'm fine.
- Who are you with? - Tall blonde woman with Pete.
- With Pond Scum? - Yeah.
She's just a friend.
Very attractive.
Yeah...
What about you?
Yeah, l'm with a friend, as well.
Jill. Oh, she's the girl talking to Jamie Franks.
Very attractive, too.
- l was sorry... - So what do you...
- Oh. Hmm. - Go on. You first.
l was sorry to hear about your marriage.
That it was in trouble, l mean.
- lt was in trouble, wasn't it? - lt's erm... lt's over.
Your husband had an affair.
Where did you get that from?
Pete's mum.
lt was me that had the affair.
Oh. ls it still going on?
No.
No. l erm... l left her and now l'm with Jill.
♪ But even then l knew l'd find a much better place
♪ Either with or without you...
♪ HEAVEN 1 7: Temptation
♪ Leave no track
♪ Don't look back
♪ All l desire
♪ Temptation
♪ Keep climbing higher and higher
♪ Temptation
♪ Adorable features
♪ Temptation...
- Hey. - Hey.
God, no wonder l never got past first base.
She's got two kids. Her husband obviously did, then.
Thanks for coming, Karen. l think we can go now.
No, it's only just started!
Come with me.
(Giggles)
God, l can't believe this, you know.
l used to sneak in here for a sly fag.
1 5 years later, and l still do it.
For God's sake, don't tell David.
l'm good at keeping secrets. Don't worry.
No, nothing. lt doesn't matter.
Do you want to see my tattoo?
You've got a tattoo?
Oh, fantastic!
lt's a gecko.
l had it done last week.
You're amazing, you know that?
Tattoos, wacky baccy.
Unbelievable.
You're not at all like what you seem. Whereas me...
You can be whoever you want.
No-one here knows you, except Pete and Jenny.
lf you don't like who you are, become someone else.
- What, and invent a life? - Live a lie.
Yeah, well. l wouldn't be the only one doing that.
What?
lf l tell you, promise not to breathe a word of this to anyone.
Yeah.
We tell her. She has a right to know.
l promised Pete l wouldn't. You promised me.
We're meant to be her friends.
We're meant to be Pete's, too.
They have got to sort this out between them.
How can they, if she doesn't know?
We act like nothing has happened.
Perfectly normal, OK?
Karen, OK?
After the Foreign Legion, l was bodyguard to a sultan.
- He was assassinated. - Yeah, it was my day off.
We're not married. Karen's my personal assistant.
And masseuse.
And helicopter pilot.
The year after school, l made a million.
- The year after, he lost it. - The year after that, l made it back.
♪ TEARS FOR FEARS: Everybody Wants To Rule The World
Come on. Come on.
lt's easier the second time round.
♪ ABC: The Look Of Love
♪ That's the look, that's the look
♪ The look of love
♪ When your girl has left you out on the pavement
- You've got to tell her. - No, she's happy.
- She's drunk. - No.
- Adam. - Rach, hi.
- You made it, then. - Just. They wouldn't let me in.
- l said you were my husband. - You want to hear the shite we've been saying.
- Thanks for coming, Karen. - OK.
How's it been going?
So far, so good.
l think l'll get some drinks.
Ah, Mr Turnbull.
- Teacher? - Tosser.
Oh, God, you have to meet this guy.
♪ That's the look
♪ The look of love
♪ That's the look, that's the look
♪ The look of love
♪ That's the look, that's the look
♪ The look of love
You know how they say you never forget a good teacher? This is...
Erm...
Malcolm Chacksfield. You still haven't lost your sense of humour.
You always could make me laugh.
Usually when l marked his essays.
♪ SPANDAU BALLET: True
Karen, give us some of that.
l'm that dehydrated, l can't even pee.
Are you having a good time?
Mmm. Yeah, l'm having a laugh actually.
Do you know what?
ln this hall, Pete and l had our first kiss.
Did you?
With tongues. We were lashing at each other.
1 5 years ago. That's how long we've been together. l can't believe it.
♪ So true Funny how it seems...
Quite an achievement, really.
Jen.
lf your friend's husband was having an affair, would you tell her?
Er... Yeah.
Yeah. God, yeah. lf you're a mate.
Definitely.
l'll be back for a dance. l'm going for a slash.
Jen!
- Mr Chacksfield is why l did computing. - You teach computing?
English, and it's Malcolm. You make me feel old.
l'm old, so you must be...
- 45. - ls that all? When we were at school...
l was still young. l just seemed ancient to you.
Adam? Adam?
Where's Pete?
l don't know. Having a slash?
Er... l'll start with you, then.
Please, outside.
♪ ..much is true
♪ Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha...
Karen should never have told you.
No, Adam, you should have!
l promised Pete l'd keep it to myself.
So you tell Karen!
Advertising? Would l know any adverts you worked on?
l should bloody well hope so. We've got a big campaign with a skateboarding nun.
l don't watch a lot of TV.
lt's on billboards.
l don't get out much.
l'll rip his throat out!
You do not want to do that.
Yes, l do! The bastard's having an affair!
Yeah. And why do you think he's doing that?
(Music echoes)
- Do you love him? - Shut up!
- Yeah! - He doesn't know that.
lf you confront him, l'm telling you it will destroy your marriage.
- What if he stops seeing her? - What will make him do that?
l am. lf he doesn't, you can rip his throat out.
l'll hold him down.
l feel sick, Adam.
l feel sick.
Hey, Karen, do you want to dance?
Yeah. Not with you.
Hiya, love.
- l want to go home. - ln a minute.
Now.
When are you working late at the office again?
Monday. l hope you haven't said anything.
No, but if you carry on, l will.
lt's over, Pete. Dump her.
- You can't tell me what to do. - Give me your word. l'm serious.
l'm telling Jenny. Do you want to wreck your marriage?
Only see your kid at the weekends?
Tell Amy it's finished, Pete.
l'm off.
l think l'll go, too.
Have you seen Rach?
She's dancing over there.
ADAM: l turn my back and she cops off with my teacher!
They were hardly copping off. They were dancing together.
He asked her out.
And she accepted?
Why not?
He was my teacher! lt's indecent. Besides, what about Danny?
l finished with him. A few days ago.
What did you do that for? l liked Danny.
You didn't. You'd just rather l saw Danny than Malcolm.
Malcolm? lt's Mr Chacksfield!
What is going on, Rachel?
One boyfriend was pre-pubescent.
This one is due his bus pass.
- Are you trying to do all the seven ages of man? - Do l detect a note of jealousy?
No.
Good.
lf we're friends, we can't be stupid about who the other one sees.
DAVlD: She has a point. - He was my favourite teacher!
When he went on about Romeo And Juliet
l didn't think he'd shag my ex-girlfriend.
- Do you think they'll shag? - Yeah. They're grown-ups. Him in particular.
Oh, yes. Marvellous end to a marvellous evening!
- Yeah. l heard about Pete. - God.
Karen said you'd told her.
She said l was to keep quiet about it.
Well, more than she's done.
What? Did she tell Rachel?
Rachel? Jenny.
(Phone rings)
Hello.
So, is he home?
Yeah. He's early, actually. l can't believe it.
Maybe it's the lure of Carol Vorderman. At least he's here.
There will be occasions when he does have to work late.
l know.
But l think it's going to be all right.
l feel good. lt's been really nice.
You deserve it, Jen. Have a good evening.
Thanks.
- Adam? - Yeah.
Thank you.
OK.
Bye.
(Theme music to Countdown plays in background)
Look, there's Mum.
Hiya, love. Give us a kiss.
- What are you doing, Ramona? - Tidying up.
lf you let me.
ls this yours?
lt's Javier's. Karen says it's OK in my room.
ls this place a crack den?
Karen knows my attitude towards drugs.
Drugs?
- l will not tolerate them here. - This is not drugs.
Where does it end, Ramona?
lt starts with marijuana,
and before you know, you're robbing old ladies to pay for cocaine.
This is no marijuana!
You're in denial. lt's a slippery slope.
David, this is tobacco. Javier likes to roll his own.
So it's harmless?
No, it is tobacco.
lt gives you cancer.
So, how did your date go?
With Malcolm?
Yeah, with Malcolm.
- lt didn't. - What, he cancelled?
- No! - You did?
No.
So?
Well, l was waiting for him in this bar...
He was dressed like a teacher.
He is a teacher.
lt's the school holidays. He still dresses like a teacher.
Oh. Oh!
You know you can tell in the first ten seconds if there's anything there?
- Yeah. - lt didn't take that long.
Oh. So what did you do?
What could l do?
ADAM: What, you scarpered? RACHEL: Yeah. l did a runner.
God! Mr Chacksfield...
Poor bastard.
Yeah. Poor bastard.
Come on.
(Phone rings)
Yeah. Hello.
PETE: Hi, Jen. - Hi.
Guess what? l've got to work late tonight.
Why?
The computer's gone down and l've got to process those figures for Patrick.
He's got a meeting tomorrow.
Er... How long are you going to be?
l'll be able to leave in about 20 minutes.
Er...that's if the computer behaves itself.
OK.
Erm, that's fine. The meal will keep.
See you later, yeah?
Yeah. All right. Bye.
(Terminates call)
Pete, oh, listen. Will you...
Damn...
(Dials number)
Hello.
- Pete, will you bring some wine... - Who do you want?
Sorry. Eh? Pete Gifford, please.
- l'm afraid he's left. - He's left?
- Yeah. - When did he leave?
Half an hour ago.
Right.
- Er... OK. - Sorry.
Yeah. Thanks.
- Why did you break a confidence? KAREN: Adam broke it first.
That doesn't excuse you.
l don't need excusing. l was being open and honest.
Open and honest?
Yes! Not that l expect thanks.
l realise they're not qualities people put much store by.
What are you talking about?
l can't stand hypocrisy. Our whole bloody lives are a fraud.
We spend time with people we don't like and lie to those we do!
You don't like Pete and Jenny?
Yes, l do like them. l'm talking about James and Natasha and Mark and Laura.
Well...l don't really like them, either.
So let's just tell them we don't want to see them any more.
- That's not very nice. - Who cares about being nice?
l do!
So once a month we have to sit there and pretend we want to be there?
(Phone rings)
lf the alternative is your brand of honesty, then, yeah.
- Hello. - Hello, David.
James. We were talking about you.
Can you do dinner next Friday?
Dinner next Friday? Erm...
Oh, right...it's a bit difficult.
- Erm... - How about Saturday?
Saturday's no easier, l'm afraid.
- The week after? - No, nor the following week.
That's a shame.
l tell you what, why don't l call you when we're a bit freer?
- OK. l'll leave it up to you. - OK. Bye.
Well, that wasn't very honest, was it?
Do you want to come in?
No, l'm trying to avoid Karen at the minute.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that was nice.
Yeah, Rach, it was.
lt shows that we can be friends.
Going to the cinema, seeing a film...
Arguing about it afterwards.
Talking about who we've been seeing.
You did most of the talking there.
l think we can make this friends thing work.
Mmm.
Well...
l'll see you, then.
l'll see you.
(Giggles)
See you at work tomorrow, then.
Yeah, but it might be a good idea if l didn't come round for a couple of days.
Shh.
Don't put yourself out on my account.
- Hiya, Jen. - Hello, Peter.
Your son wanted to say hello.
(Baby cries)
There you go.
Go on.
(Baby cries)
Now let's see how you like it.
♪ SPACE: Female Of The Species
♪ Oh, how can heaven hold a place for me
♪ When a girl like you has cast her spell on me?
♪ Oh, how can heaven hold a place for me
♪ When a girl like you has cast her spell on me?